dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
