I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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