There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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