First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
