Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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