Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I am one with the molecules
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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