I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
