Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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