I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
