Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
