So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
