today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
