lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
