i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
