the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Panties = found
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