I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
