Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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