Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
