weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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