My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
