i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
