I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
