You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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