Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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