Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
