just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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