He told me they were just razor bumps!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
