we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
