he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
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