he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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