Michael Bay diarrhea
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
