It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
