First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There r osticjed everywhere
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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