I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
