So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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