just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
