i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
