so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Pants are for mortals
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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