you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
