i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
