got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
