i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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