guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
