I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
