Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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