Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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