In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
