Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
