You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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