i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
