How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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