It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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