just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
