Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
