So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
