Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
