just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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