after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
