D3 body, D1 cock
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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