i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
