the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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