you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
