Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
