I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
