what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
