He is such a slut. More and more my type.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
