i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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