i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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