too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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