the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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