Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
