When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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