My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
did i just pee glitter
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
