Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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