It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
